Giving In

In the debate on homosexuality at General Conference, one delegate commented that altering our denomination's position would be caving in to society. The Church should not accept society's standards, but stand with God even when opposed to societal norms. It's a common argument. I absolutely agree with the premise (that we should always stand with God) and I absolutely agree that we have violated the premise. I disagree with the way in which we have gone astray.

While following General Conference on twitter I made the mistake of engaging someone with whom I disagreed. He said we had different religions. I said we may have different opinions, but we are still all Christians. He responded "'Christian' is a term in the hist of religions designating a particular one. Too many differences to be the 'same.'" Really? Not only can we not share the same denomination, but we can't even share the same religion? This is from someone who describes himself includes "writer, speaker, and church consultant, ... draws upon 30 years of professional experience as a Methodist minister..."

Then there's Mark Tooley, president of IRD. What I love about Mr. Tooley is that you never have to guess where he stands. He writes "United Methodist liberals always assumed their church would follow American culture on sexual permissiveness, just as the church had followed on so much else across the 20th century, starting with divorce and contraception. They always consoled themselves, "If not this time, then next time!" Sounding like deterministic Marxist Hegelians, they believed history sided with sexual inclusion." Really? Marxist Hegelians? I would hope he could at least call on a deterministic theologian instead of two atheists.

Yes, we have given in to societal norms. We are as brutal to each other, as argumentative, as unfair and unforgiving, as any political race.  We must "win" each point for our "side" no matter what the means are. We have so given in to the polarization that we face in society that we could only narrowly pass a petition that included a scriptural reference to God's irresistible love. Really? What happened to "in essentials unity, in nonessentials liberty and in all things charity"? What happened to "if your heart is as my heart take my hand"? Are we really so divided that we have to resort to ad hominem attacks and name-calling?

Our problem as a denomination is not with our stance on homosexuality. Our problem is that we value our position over our relationship. I tell couples in premarital counseling that sometimes it's more important to stay in relationship than to be right. Disagreements have to be talked out, but the relationship has to take priority over whether you "win" the argument. Otherwise it doesn't really matter if you win the argument or not. I'm hopeful that the #dreamumc effort some younger adults are beginning may be part of the solution. I'm hopeful that we can find ways to engage each other, learn from each other, and grow with each other instead of just hurting each other. If we can't our relationship may not be salvageable. But don't get me started on our issues with divorce...